Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
third nipple confirmed
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
