I can text with my tongue
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
