My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
