Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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