I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think my moral compass just broke
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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