Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
