Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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