never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
