I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
