we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
