you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
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dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
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Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes