did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
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hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."