Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.