i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just threw up on my dentist
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101