ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.