Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it