I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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