There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
