He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
