Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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