Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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