I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
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at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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