would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
