absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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