I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
