Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
