Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
