I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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