I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
