My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
whose ass print is on the piano?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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