so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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