I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
