And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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