i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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