things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
