I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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