The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
