do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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