Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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