if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
