I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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