Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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