how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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