this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
