I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
