just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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