Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
