i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
