I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
