Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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