Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
