what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
