Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
