FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
