I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
