so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
