i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize