3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
