you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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