I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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