The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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