my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I love you.
Bad choice
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
