I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
